Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
- Barack Obama
Assuming you have met me in person, at first glance, you can automatically see, that I am not like a whole lot of other girls. I have different hair. I wear a t-shirt, everyday. I wear vans, and usually skinny jeans. Next, you come speak to me and realize that I am NOTHING like anyone you have ever met. I understand you. I feel every emotion you have, and am aware of the help you need. I am one of the most companionable people you know, and have the heart of a teddy bear. If you spend any time with me, you realize I have a potty mouth, but don't talk behind peoples back, unless I am standing up for them. You realize this, but have never noticed it before.
Why am I this way. I ask myself this question almost every day. What has made me the person I am becoming. What has shaped me, so i cannot fit into any mold. What makes me see you different than everyone else. What happened that was so insignificant that you changed every way I thought.
Bleh.
When I was five years old, my parents got divorced. It was probably one of the most life changing moments in my life. I dress the way I do, most likley because i was raised with my brother and my dad. I grew up with all boys in the house, and in fact can remember going to school with my pants on backwards. I couldn't have asked for a better childhood. I love my dad for everything he has given me, and for the chance he gave me to live here, with my mom. I love you pops.
I moved to Utah: Honestly, three things happened within the first 2 years of me living here. I joined a church. I found god, and found that I am really smart. These things have changed a lot recently as well. Often people think he is someone I don't have a relationship with, but the path I took to find him, is not a path i will run backwards on. I found him, and he is here. I still find myself, loving my education, and valuing it.
I had(have) these two friends, Janie and Alexa. Literally my entire life revolved around secretly playing Barbies, and talking about our "burn book." We used to play house, and teenagers. I was always into having an imagination, and being creative. I took up playing the guitar around 9, and have really found myself in it.
Pretty much in 6th grade, i had this boyfriend forever, and he was a sweet soul <3 I still love him.
Around 7th and 8th grade, I started junior high. Just like anyone else who starts school in the ghetto, you see the drug & alcohol world, like nothing else. 7th grade I watched one of my friends drink until she was sick. I have seen, and done things that, although I am not proud of, make me who I am. This is a big part of everything. I have a past, and it's not like I want to talk about it, but in order for me to go on, you must recognize that 7th and 8th grade changed me. I contiued through, and became someone who nobody should become, but everyone does, for one period or another. I got really depressed and suddenly started forgeting everything. I was pretty much just this little depressed, emo, gothic kid.
I moved out to Herriman, the summer before 9th grade started, and literally had no friends. I felt like a fish on a sushi plate, so weird. I would drive back to my old neighborhood, and stay for weeks at a time. I hated it out here, I was so ready to start school. I started school and instantly realized i was in mo-mo town USA. I hated it. So much. My grades were good, but that was because I never talked to anyone. I wasn't making friends for a while. I hated it. Some point between the year, everything turned around. I got to know people. I started hanging out with friends. I felt a little more at home. Between January and March, two of my friends killed themselves, and I found one of my bestfriends, to this day. Everything about those two months is so blurry, yet so clear. I stopped hating. I changed eveything. I found someone in my life, that I still look up to. She has been one of the biggest inspirations I have, and everything we have gone through, has brought me to who I am. I could never thank her enough.
THIS IS WHEN I STARTED GOING TO A LOT OF SHOWS!
9th grade came and went, and although I learned a lot, I was ready to start highschool.
Sophomore year, I wake up. I see the world, brand new. Everything is different. Tons of friends. I knew things would be good. Debate starts. Things get 100X better. Me and Kendra become friends, things become 500000X better. Seriously.
Everything has led up until now. You know I am not the same person I was a year ago, and that is something I couldn't be prouder of.
Please continue this journey with me.
<3
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2nd sucks
You're afraid,
like I make my deals with the devil.
You've been at it for years
but couldn't reach that next level.
Let's keep it real,
this is no competition to me.
Even if everyone around you acts
like they don't see.
Is anybody else listening?
Outta sight, outta mind
is what you'll always be.
I hold my cards to my chest.
I laid my life on the line
so I expect nothing less from you.
I speak the truth,
and everybody else knows it.
So set your ego to the side
and just get the fuck over it!.
Can't waist my time
on hateful people like you.
So keep wishing you were me,
and I'll keep making you have to.
Is anybody else listening?
Outta sight, outta mind
is what you'll always be.
I hold my cards to my chest.
I laid my life on the line
so I expect nothing less from you.
I just cant believe
its really come to this
because without me
you would not exist.
Hey hey
still got somethin left to say.
Only one in the world
I depend on is me.
I need nothin from no one
I take what I need.
Get ahold of yourself
and keep away from me.
Is anybody else listening?
Outta sight, outta mind
is what you'll always be.
I hold my cards to my chest.
I laid my life on the line
so I expect nothing less from you.
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